In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
