So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
