why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
its liver damage thursday
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
