you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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