Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
