I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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