I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
