well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
