Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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