well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
