He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
