He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
