3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
her vagine was all disorganized.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
