I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
