I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
