We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
