You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
