I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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