I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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