TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
