New invention idea: vibrating tampons
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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