everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
