you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
