Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
