Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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