my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize