I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You left your phone here
Wait...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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