I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize