i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
