and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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