last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
