The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
