His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
