someone threw a dead crab at me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
