She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
