Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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