New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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