I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
