Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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