I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize