I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize