he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
