I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
