We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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