i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am one with the molecules
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
