What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
