Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I need help removing her.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
