please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
