with your own penis?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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