I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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