You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
