That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
