Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize