Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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