Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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