I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
