Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize