tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
