I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize