you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
