Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We named our party play list daddy issues
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sorry about my life...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
