oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
