dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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