So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize