I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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