I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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