Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
