I should be sponsored by Trojan
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
