I think my vagina is haunted
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
