In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
